Barely Dealing With Rejection in your 20’s

I want to start off first by saying that of course rejection comes at any age, 20 somethings aren’t the only ones out here getting their hearts stomped on, so I do apologize if the title seems a bit ageist. But then again, my blog is called Barely Surviving your 20’s, soooo lets not be too sensitive 💜. Any way I’ve officially accepted I’m dying alone. 

But that’s ok, cause I’m a young mom so I’ll just tag along with my kids when they’re in their 20’s, I’ll only be 40 something still droppin it low in the club. Or better yet my best friend is having a rough go at it too, so we can just drop it low together well into our 50’s. But for real I’m over the constant cycle. Meet someone, have a good time, feel like your connecting, come up with names for your future 2.5 kids, go a little psycho cause they’re shitty texters, and then *poof* they just disappear.

Now, that specific series of event may just be my own personal hell, but you get my point. I was talking to a guy once who on 4 separate occasions said that he missed me and was going to stop by to hang out. All 4 times he didn't show up, no message saying he was tired or something came up, just didn't come.  

So by the 4th time, I'm irritated. I messaged him like daaaamn you've been at the gym an awfully long time (5 hours from when he said he'd call after he left). He then started talking about how he hasn't hung out with his friends and blah blah blah. Like bruhhh I don't care about your friends, live your best life. But you could have just told me you were busy. Like yeah sure I think I'm more fun than your friends, but whatever, be lame, I don't care. I had to go in on his ass a little, cause damn 4 times of ghosting someone is a bit excessive. I’m a time bomb kind of person, I keep my mouth shut for awhile internally stressing/cussing you out, hoping that you’ll stop being a jerk and fix it on your own. If I finally bring it up and I’m met with excuses or push back, BOOM BITCHES!

I should probably work on that and have better communication skills, but whatever. Anyway, all the guys that I’ve really liked recently are horrible communicators. Like dude I have 2 kids, a full-time job, a blog I update every 6 months, I had a dog for like a week, hella shows to catch up with on my mom’s Xfinity account, on top of that I'm in the middle of a charmed binge session on Netflix.

I’m busy too, and yet I can still send some text throughout the day. I'm not glued to my phone all day and don't want to seem like I have super high expectations. Men always jump to the conclusion that a woman is being too needy or controlling if she wants him to text her. Like why is it so crazy? I'm thinking about you which is why I sent you a text, so the flip side of that is the reality that you aren't thinking about me if you go a whole day without a single message.

I really and honestly don’t expect to find someone to talk to me all day every day or even see me every day. I have specific days when I don’t have my kids, so if we can’t hang out on those days and you’re apparently too busy to text/call/facetime throughout the week, then we really are wasting our time. Now let me make it clear that I can get a man, I was consistently having dates lined up Wednesday’s and every other weekend for like 2 months, my bumble was liiiit.

The problem is I met someone who made me not want to be on there anymore, and since that fell off I’m having a hard time getting my mojo back. But my huge problem is I live for drama! I’ll have Jim who I like and likes to talk to me, and I’ll be like okaaaaay. And then I’ll have John who I like and barely ever texts me back, and I’ll be like daaaaaaamn daddy where you been! I had one guy who was actively trying to hang out with me, even had a date scheduled, but then I canceled it to hang out with someone who canceled on me twice the week before. It’s a serious problem….

I should want better for myself, and yet here we are. It so hard though, cause it’s a thin line between innocently trying to tell someone their lack of communication skills really hurt your feelings, and looking like a she demon who’s threatening to cut off his thumbs and feed them to him in chicken noodle soup. I mean shit you apparently aren't using them since you ain't text me in 45 minutes.

I hate being ignored, read receipts are the absolute death of me. Being left on read is the ultimate sign of disrespect! You're basically trying to fight at this point, we are officially beef'n. Ok, that was a little extra but that's how I live my life so....

And one thing about me is I'm hella dramatic! Like ohhhh you don't want to text me back? ok then! Delete your number, delete your text thread, block that ass from snap, IG, and FB, delete you from all my call logs, and delete any screenshots from you that I'm sure I sent to my best friend or sister.  I can’t be the only person who thinks “fuck him I’m over it” and then 20 minutes later be like “ok, I’ll just send this last text and if he don’t text me back, then fuck him for real!” This series of gifs perfectly describes how this process of frustration goes for me....

And then like a day later I realize I've been a tad bit dramatic and it was probably just a misunderstanding...

Those gifs couldn't have been more accurate honestly. The drama is reaaaal. No lie, I'm kinda wounded right now cause I just read my whole ass life. Hold on...

I could really save myself all this stress if i just paid attention to the obvious signs and red flags. I'll pray for a sign from god, begging to know whether its time to just walk away from a situation. And then he gives me one and I'm like ummmm maybe a bigger one, that one wasn't suuuuper clear. Give me another one. I'd be a bomb ass partner, like for real. I swear I’m not a possessive person, I’m not controlling, I just feel like if you say you’re gonna do something, you do it. Or if you can’t, you should let that person know that you no longer are able to. Simple. At least I think it is, but clearly it isn’t. Again, whatever. My bumble is back so we'll see how that goes, although I have no hope left. Just know that I’ll be at every function lit and droppin it low in 2048.